Some Things that have been on My Mind…

Hey ladies and gents,

This post is literally just me venting and getting all of my thoughts out because I just need to.

First and foremost, I am a very outspoken individual, so when things bother me/tick me off, I’m likely going to rant about it somewhere or someone. This has been something I’ve been doing my best to refrain from because it can come off as negative which is contradictive of my message to always spread love and positivity, but honestly, I don’t think holding feelings inside is healthy because that causes a wall to build and up bitterness to accumulate. So here I am today, writing about something on my mind.

 

This post is about women. Women that just plain hate on, are rude to, gossip about, and undermine other women.

I wake up every day excited to be the most genuine and kind person I can be. When I talk to other women, I want them to feel my radiance and positive energy through my face and voice, and to take something from that to feel good within themselves and pass it along, but it’s so hard for that to be reciprocated.

I have an unrealistic expectation of expecting other women to be just as I am with them: genuine, supportive, compassionate, and kind. it’s hard to accept the fact that despite your own unwavering positive actions and words towards other women, some can still be so rude and nasty. What have I ever done to you? Why do you hate me so much for no reason? Not that I actually care to have these answers, it’s just, I don’t understand why some women can’t be kind to other women.

In high school, I loved hanging out with other girls who carried themselves in a particular way, specifically girls who were nice to others and walked in confidence. Cliques were never my thing– I think once I accidentally entered into a clique and I quickly removed myself after realizing the girls bullied other girls. But even around the girls who I considered friends treated me differently than other girls; I felt different, too, but not something I considered to be a bad thing. Everyone was into boys and sleepovers and going to Friday night football games, and me on the other hand, I enjoyed sitting in my room and playing virtual world games online and writing down everything I wanted out of life and thinking about the future. I got picked on for being who I was and not going with the flow of what was popular for everyone else, especially by Black women. I was always never “black enough” therefore I wasn’t worthy enough for black girls to be nice to me because I was an “oreo.” it’d be nice not to feel attacked for not meeting invisible requirements of other women.

Just by being the “different” person who I was and am, I was often talked about, undermined, and taken advantage of because I was the “nice girl,” so I always felt this pressure to be nice and let people get over on me because that was the only way to have “friends,” friends who often brought me into drama.

Moving into college, now we’re in the age where everyone glorifies being petty and “spilling tea” or talking about “the gag.” When I entered into college, I had a totally new mindset from high school, I became a lot more vocal when I didn’t like the way I was being treated or felt that girls were being “fake.” I may have even been a little outspoken and went on a few too many Snapchat rants about mean ass women, but I don’t regret it because I speak my truth and I know other women are going through this too. College women are a whole different ball game, if I’m being honest, I’ve never heard women gossip so much IN MY LIFE, again, primarily in the Black community. I’ve never experienced so much hatred or seeing other girls actively trying to get their friends to hate and talk about other girls lives and what it entailed. I’ve never experienced other women try to tear down other women so hard. Seeing this brought me to completely removing myself from campus for a long time.

A situation in particular that I was in had to do with a club I was VP for, and the club was all black and primarily women. I resigned from the VP role of this club 6 weeks before the semester ended, mainly because I wanted to provide the next VP leverage into the position being I was leaving the institution. I sent a really nice email explaining that I had many things on my plate that disallowed me from being the best VP that the campus organization deserved, therefore, the next person in line to be VP should have the opportunity to step into the role early; I also expressed my gratitude for working with the organization and the people within, wished them the best in their future endeavors, and so on. Less than 5 minutes after sending the email, I was removed from 2 Facebook message groups for the club without anyone saying anything to me, and never received any sort of response and was practically ignored despite having dedicated 2 years to this organization which meant a lot to me (SO EFFIN’ RUDE).

Now, before all of this, some people within the organization were just plain rude and gossiped like crazy. I felt a lot of negative energy and tension leading up to this act, why I don’t know because I was always nice, but some of the exchanges I had with some of the girls just seemed like they were trying to hold some crude power over me like I had to answer to them… why they were so serious about a school club? I don’t know. In general, it was my experience that many people weren’t genuine and were mean to other people outside of the organization as well, even some of my friends experienced this foulness.

I just feel like there’s so much power in nice, making people feel good about themselves is a gift that I want to exonerate throughout the world. Everyone deserves love and to be treated kindly, but why is it so hard for women to be this way with other women?

I’ve explored many articles talking about this that pose questions like, is there something about ourselves that we don’t like? What has happened to us that we cannot seem to get along or unify to support one another? Is it jealousy? Intimidation? At the same time, it’s hard for me to understand why anyone would have these negative feelings when someone is being genuinely nice to them.

From writing this post and observing my thoughts while spilling out all of my feelings, from this point I am making a pact to manifest positive, genuine, women who are about their business into my life. If I desire to attract positive changes, then I must change the way I view myself and others.

We as women need to be careful of the energies we inflict on to other women, you never know what someone is going through, you don’t know what past or current things that someone is going through that shape them and makes them who they are. You don’t have to like everyone, but it’s important to respect everyone. How you treat others shows who you are.

Thanks for reading guys

Fal xx

 

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3 comments

  1. Passion and lemonade

    wow, this translates such a positive message to me. Im all about woman supporting woman, and this is exactly what more woman need to be reading. Thank you for this post.

    Like

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